to be the one you think of
when you can’t think straight. "Drunk Texts are Flattering" by Claire Luisa (via miikawa)
You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch.
Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.
Tonight I feel sad. I kinda know why and I kinda don’t know why. I get like this sometimes, I do something that upsets me, then blog, then listen to music and write some tweets. I think I am getting better though because I have finally started to reach out to my friends for help or just to tell them how I am feeling. My mind races sometimes. Tonight I looked up some old facebook posts on a person’s wall and got super sad about them. Makes me wonder if I am doing the right things in life or choosing the right path. I have a great relationship but it is my first relationship and I always wonder if this is the right person for me. I am so happy with him, but how will I know if it is right if I have not experienced anything other than this one. I know I should go to bed and forget about these thoughts because tomorrow I will keep on living my life as comfortable as it is. I just always wonder. This makes no sense, it is just a space to get things out in the open and relieve my thoughts.
How will I know if he really loves me. I say a prayer with every heartbeat. I fall in love whenever we meet. I’m asking you what you know about these things.